We're Broke, Now What?
by Red Witch
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if the Xavier Institute ever ran out of cash?


**The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is broke and looking for a job somewhere. This is an idea I had for ****another**** alternate universe. Like I don't have enough of them running around in my mind. I might make this a series, I might not. Just enjoy the mad ride folks. **

**We're Broke, Now What?**

"Charles what do you mean there's no more money?" Logan asked.

"Exactly what it sounds like Logan," Charles Xavier rubbed a hand over his bald head. He was sitting at his desk in his office with a ton of papers all around him. Hank, Logan and Ororo were with him. "I've been talking with my accountant and stockbrokers for over an hour. There's nothing left. The Xavier Institute is officially broke."

"How can there be nothing left?" Ororo asked.

"You know how bad the economy's been!" Xavier said. "Half of the companies my family has invested in for years have suddenly been declared bankrupt and the other half their stock was only worth enough to pay the taxes on the Institute when I sold them."

BOOOOOOOOOM!

"And considering the amount of repairs we do almost daily I think you can all see where this is going," Xavier groaned as he put his hand to his temple.

"Who did **what **this time?" Logan groaned.

"Sam accidentally slipped on the downstairs rug and crashed into a wall," Xavier sighed.

"Ooh that's gonna cost a few dollars to fix," Hank winced.

"Dollars we no longer have," Xavier sighed.

"I still can't get how all of the sudden we're broke!" Logan asked.

"Logan the economy is very bad right now," Xavier said. "Many investments didn't pan out and...Well let's just say I made some unwise investments."

"Bad investments? You?" Logan asked. "Hold on, this 'bad investment' wouldn't happen to rhyme with the words Hate Off would it?"

"Maybe?" Xavier shrunk into his seat.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!? Logan roared. "CHARLES YOU'RE A FREAKING TELEPATH! ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU OF ALL PEOPLE COULDN'T TELL WHAT A SLIMEBALL HE WAS?"

"Not really…" Xavier winced. "For some reason I just trusted the man. I didn't use my telepathy."

"Obviously!" Logan shouted. "First Magneto and now this? You are some judge of character Chuck!"

"I told you he could be a mutant!" Logan heard whispering at the door. "How else could he have fooled the Professor?"

Logan made a low growl and stormed to the door. He opened it up rapidly to reveal Kurt, Kitty, Bobby, Rogue, Jean, Scott and Tabitha standing next to it. "Busted," Kurt gulped.

"Uh we were just telling them not to spy on you," Jean gulped. "Honest."

"Nice try Jean! Even the Professor won't believe that!" Tabitha glared at her.

"You kids are gonna learn a lesson in the Danger Room about spying if you don't…" Logan began.

"Oh never mind, bring everyone in here," Xavier let out a breath. "They're all going to find out sooner or later."

"Yeah I guess it would be kind of hard to hide the large convoy of repo vans that are coming," Logan grunted.

"What do you mean?" Kitty asked as the students walked into the room.

"He means that the Institute is facing a rather difficult financial crisis," Xavier said.

"Chuck, General Motors is facing a rather difficult financial crisis," Logan said sarcastically. "We're broke."

"Broke? The Institute?" Scott asked. "How…? Are you gonna have to close the school?"

"Scott I understand your concerns but we adults will worry about this problem and figure it out before the school gets shut down," Xavier held up his hand.

"Professor we're the X-Men, this is **our** problem and we'll solve it together," Jean said.

"We're just going to have to be a little creative," Kurt agreed.

"Sure we'll just have a yard sale and it'll solve **everything**," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"We're just going to have to cut back on certain things," Ororo said. "Targets used for Danger Room practice for example…"

"Oh great!" Logan snapped. "This is so unfair!"

"Obviously we are going to have to take fewer trips with the Blackbird and the Velocity to save on fuel bills," Xavier added.

"Oh man!" Logan fumed.

"We may have to cut down on Danger Room outings as well," Hank said. "You know, to save on our electric bills, water bills, medicine bills, emergency room bills…"

"Oh come on! Now you're just talking crazy!" Logan yelled. "Why don't you cut out their stuff?"

"Like what?" Kitty fumed.

"Like your clothes and shoe shopping habits! I've seen your closets! Paris Hilton doesn't have as much stuff as you have!" Logan barked.

"Hey! I get an allowance from my parents which I earn for getting good grades in school!" Kitty protested.

"Really? How much?" Logan asked. Ororo glared at him. "I'm just saying…"

"And I am a very good shopper!" Kitty said. "I always buy on sale!"

"Yeah and those of us who do get an allowance from the Professor don't buy that much stuff," Rogue said. "Now that I think about it, it's almost like we wear the same outfits nearly every day."

"Maybe you can cut down on all the crap you eat?" Logan said.

"Oh so you want us to starve to death?" Kurt protested.

"He doesn't mean that," Ororo said.

"Did you?" Hank asked.

"No! I just meant they could stand to cut down on all the junk food they eat around here!" Logan said.

"We're not the ones who order Twinkies by the case," Rogue folded her arms.

Everyone looked at Hank. "By the **case?**" Logan blinked.

"I love Twinkies okay?" Hank folded his arms. "It's not like I can go out to a bar or anything. I need some kind of vice around here."

"Well that explains this bill from Hostess…" Xavier looked at a piece of paper. "But maybe some cuts to our food bill might not be a bad idea."

"Such as?" Kurt asked.

"There's still a hot lunch program at school right?" Logan asked.

"No, that was shut down due to budget cuts," Kitty said.

"Oh great," Logan groaned.

"So bottom line here is…We're broke?" Bobby asked.

"Yes Popsicle! That's what we've been **talking** about for the past five minutes!" Rogue snapped. "Really broke! Not just strapped for cash, but honest to goodness broke!"

"You mean we're like the Brotherhood?" Kurt gasped.

"Ironically Elf I think the Brotherhood might have **more** money than we do," Logan groaned. "At least they weren't stupid enough to invest all their money with Uncle Bernie."

"Look we need solutions to our cash flow problem so if any of you have any ideas at all now is a good time," Xavier said.

"Well uh back when I was living with the Brotherhood I got their recipe for Road Kill Helper," Tabitha raised a hand. "That might stretch a buck a bit."

"Tabitha I think it's safe to say we are not **that **desperate yet!" Jean said. "Maybe we could get jobs?"

"Who'd hire **us**?" Kitty folded her arms. "Not for regular jobs anyway."

"Unless of course they were in the demolition field," Rogue added.

"We're banned from like half the stores and food places in town," Kitty whined. "Some places even put a restraining order on us!"

"Yeah remember the Chicken King Restaurant incident?" Rogue glared at Tabitha.

"To be fair, I had no idea that my energy bombs, cooking oil and French fries would make that big an explosion," Tabitha pointed out.

"Their lawyers and the roofing company figured out how much damage it would do," Xavier looked at another bill. "Perhaps getting normal teenage jobs is not the right strategy for our students?"

"You think?" Logan barked. "I still haven't gotten the smell out of the X-Van after the Fajita Time drive through incident!"

"Again, **not **my fault!" Tabitha spoke up. "I wasn't the one **driving!**"

"I was still learning how to drive and I mistook the gas pedal for the brake pedal," Kitty glared at her. "God you drive through one little restaurant and no one lets you forget it!"

"Certainly not the Department of Motor Vehicles," Xavier held up **another** bill.

"Maybe not regular jobs…" Kurt thought. "What if we do something else? Like private detective work? Or spy jobs! We could be spies!"

"Forget it Elf!" Logan barked. "That's the last thing we need. If we go out in the spy business, SHIELD is going to want to horn in on it. And once they got your claws into you, they'll never let you go."

"You got out," Scott said.

"Yeah but I'm good at contract negotiations," Logan smirked and pointed out his claws for effect.

"So what **can** we do other than fighting in order to make money?" Rogue asked.

"Well we can…"Hank began but he couldn't think of anything. "Ororo?"

"We can always…" Ororo was at a blank as well. "There's always…No, we were banned from that place too. Uh, Professor?"

"Perhaps we have been neglecting certain aspects of your education?" Xavier rubbed his temples.

"Oh great! We're doomed," Rogue groaned. "Face it! The only thing we're good at besides destroying stuff is keeping idiots like the Brotherhood from tearing everything apart!"

"Rogue that's…" Xavier had a look on his face. "Not a bad idea…"

"What are you talking about?" Jean blinked. "Professor if this is anything like that stupid idea the Brotherhood had a while back about staging incidents in order to get cash…"

"No Jean, there is a difference," Logan said. "That was the Brotherhood doing the planning. We're a little smarter than they are."

"A **lot** smarter," Scott admitted.

"Charles…" Ororo looked at him.

"I'm sorry Storm But desperate times call for desperate measures," Xavier said. "And believe me. They do not get more desperate than **this!**"

"Oh come on Professor! We can't stoop to the level of the Brotherhood in order to make a little money! I mean how bad…" Scott began. Xavier showed him the bills. "Whoa. That's a lot of money."

"Not as much as what I owe in taxes," Xavier showed him another bill.

"Oh boy…" Scott did a double take. "Well…I guess it couldn't hurt to stage **one **little incident."

An hour and some loud protests from Jean later…

"Let me see if I get this straight," Lance held up his hand. "You're going to **pay **us to cause a little ruckus in certain parts of town and get our butts kicked?"

"Considering you've been doing that for **free** all these years we figured we'd go with professionals," Scott quipped.

"Look the truth is that the Xavier Institute is in a bit of a financial crisis," Xavier sighed. "And we could use good publicity. Your past idea of staging certain events to make mutants look good, while slightly unethical, may not be a completely bad idea if done properly."

"**Slightly unethical**?" Jean asked bitterly.

"Ignore her," Logan said. "So are you in for a cut or not?"

"What exactly do we have to do?" Fred asked.

"What you normally do," Scott said. "Cause trouble. We come in, take you down."

"Only we get paid to take a dive," Pietro added.

"Wait a minute there's something wrong with this plan," Todd said. "I mean what if we get arrested and stuff? I ain't doing hard time for you guys."

"We've thought of that," Rogue said. "The Professor and Jean can make people think you're a different set of mutants that nobody knows."

"And we'll make sure there are 'mysterious incidents' with any cameras and other recording equipment," Kurt said. "Just try not to hurt anybody."

"We can do that," Wanda said. "Right guys?"

"Sounds kind of stupid to me," Pyro said. "Why not have us pretend to be aliens instead? That way mutants won't get the blame for attacking people."

"Oh that is…Not a bad idea," Hank blinked.

"Come on! You're not seriously considering…?" Jean shouted.

"Jean you have to admit Pyro made a valid point," Scott said. "Okay maybe not aliens but some guy in a suit or something."

"Yeah that Spider Man guy in New York has to deal with tons of weird guys in suits," Bobby said. "What's a few more in Bayville?"

"I swear if I didn't need the tuition money so badly I wouldn't be here…" Jean muttered.

"That and for some reason the college you were gonna go to misplaced your admission papers," Rogue pointed out.

"Boy you guys must be in some serious trouble if you're coming to **us** for help!" Todd said.

"Since the Apocalypse incident there hasn't exactly been that many mutant related incidents," Hank said. "And people are still focused on the negative side of mutations."

"Even you guys have been pretty quiet," Rogue said.

"It's not like we've been avoiding you," Pyro said.

"We've been busy," Fred said. "You see we thought of this hamster breeding scheme and it was going really good right up until…"

"Never mind," Xavier interrupted them. "The point is, the Institute could use some good publicity as well as…Uh some fundraising activities."

"Fundraising?" Lance raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute…Are you telling me that you guys are having cash flow problems?"

"How can that be? Aren't you like richer than God or something?" Pietro asked.

"Not anymore," Logan admitted.

"What'd he do? Give half his cash to that Bernie guy on the news?" Fred snorted. One look told him all. "No way!"

"You gotta be kidding me?" Pietro laughed along with the Brotherhood. "That is hilarious! You, the world's greatest telepath got tricked by the world's most devious con artist!"

"Maybe he's a mutant and that's why the Professor got tricked?" Fred scratched his head.

"You know I thought the very same thing!" Kurt spoke up. "See guys, it's not **that **far fetched!"

"I believe we are getting off topic," Xavier sighed. "I take it the Brotherhood agrees with our plan?"

"Yeah just one thing," Lance chuckled. "About your financial situation…Just how bad are you guys anyway? Are we talking General Motors bad or are we talking sell everything you got and shut down the doors Circuit City bad?"

"More like small town newspaper bad since Circuit City is still around online," Scott admitted.

"Ooh that's bad," Todd whistled.

"And we want to help you stay in business **why**?" Fred asked.

"For the cash, duh! Okay we're in!" Pietro said. "What do we gotta do?"

* * *

"I still feel like this is a bad idea," Jean muttered as she stood in her position near the door of a large museum. "Mostly because it **is!**"

"Just make sure when the Brotherhood get here they look like someone else," Scott said. "Remember, they're supposed to look like some guys in weird power suit costumes."

"Yes Scott, I know the drill," Jean rolled her eyes and went over the plan telepathically. _We are here to provide security at the new Bayville Museum and make sure no one steals their new diamond exhibit that will be on display for only tonight. This is part of the Mayor's fundraising event…_

_Just be glad Kelly lost his bid to become mayor,_ Scott replied through their connection.

_When the Brotherhood gets here they are going to pretend to be from the Zodiac Gang and Avalanche will not use his powers,_ Jean went on. _Zodiac Gang?_

_Kitty researched it online,_ Scott shrugged. _They were a real gang but they disappeared nearly twenty years ago. _

_Anyway they come here, cause a little chaos, Quicksilver throws a smoke bomb and they get away. The X-Men have chased them off, pretending to be heroes which we shouldn't have to do because we are supposed to be heroes! _Jean rolled her eyes.

_Kind of hard to be heroes without a villain to fight_, Scott pointed out. "It's been way too quiet since Magneto and Apocalypse split the scene. And speaking of too quiet where are they anyway? Cyclops to Rogue. Have you seen them yet?"

"Rogue here," Rogue was on the roof with Kurt. She looked through her binoculars. "No hide nor hair of them. I'll let you know when they do show up! Rogue out!"

"They should have been here an hour ago! Where could they be?" Kurt looked around. "You don't think they would double cross us do you?"

"They're not smart enough to double cross us. Knowing those yahoos they probably got lost and then the Blob needed to get a snack," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"This is Iceman! I think I finally got the Brotherhood! I'm going in!" Bobby spoke on the intercom.

"Iceman! Wait! Hold on a minute!" Scott shouted. They ran to Bobby's position and found he had frozen someone's arm to the wall. "Iceman no!"

"I got him! I got the Blob!" Bobby whooped.

"Iceman that's **not** the Blob!" Scott snapped as he used his powers to free the person. "That's the Mayor's **wife!**"

"Are you sure?" Bobby asked.

"Yes!" Scott snapped.

"Whoops," Bobby blinked. "Sorry, my mistake. Thought you were someone else."

"Well I never!" The Mayor's wife huffed. By an odd coincidence, she looked exactly like Fred in drag.

"Iceman!" Jean snapped.

"Well she **looks** like the Blob!" Bobby said as he was dragged away by Jean. "I mean come on!"

"I'm contacting Wolverine to baby sit you!" Jean grumbled. "Wolverine is anything happening in your position?

"No, just some old bat with a ton of perfume walked by and clogged up my nose," Logan grunted. "Are they here **yet?** They're late!"

"We know. No sight or sound of them," Jean said. "But I need you to keep Iceman out of trouble."

"I'm busy! Stick him with Shadowcat," Logan grunted. "Where is Shadowcat anyway?"

"I don't know," Jean blinked. "Rogue? Nightcrawler, is Shadowcat with you?" Jean asked through the communications unit.

"No, I thought she was down there with you and the Professor," Rogue said.

"Guys! We have a situation!" Kitty reported. "In the kitchen…"

"We're on it!" Kurt shouted. He grabbed onto Rogue and he teleported them into the room. "What's the…Situation?"

"Ohhhhh…" Xavier was holding his stomach and Kitty was standing next to him holding a muffin basket. Ororo and Hank were there as well.

"I just thought that I could add a sideline to the business by baking muffins!" Kitty protested.

"As what? Aides to assassination?" Rogue shouted.

"Why did you eat it?" Hank asked the Professor. "Why?"

"I don't know…" Xavier moaned. "She had this look on her face and I couldn't resist….Ohhhhh! But I think I will be able to resist in the future! Ooooooooooohhh!"

"Kitty how many times do we have to tell you **not** to bake any more muffins?" Rogue shouted.

"Yeah throw these things away before someone else gets hurt!" Kurt threw one over his shoulder.

"OW!"

"Jean!" Scott yelled. "Kurt! You knocked her out cold!" The two of them had just walked in.

"Oops," Kurt gulped.

"I'll go with them to the hospital," Ororo sighed.

Ten minutes and an ambulance later the remaining X-Men were in the back as the unveiling ceremony began.

"They're **still** not here? What did they go out for ice cream too?" Scott fumed.

"Never mind, Cyclops it's not that important," Logan sighed. "Maybe it's just as well they didn't show up to wreck things."

"Yeah other than Iceman attacking the mayor's wife and Kitty's muffins knocking out our telepaths everything has gone smoothly," Rogue said sarcastically.

"Look as long as nothing happens to the diamonds we still get paid," Logan told them. "And I've been watching this room all night and nobody has come even close to that podium. So tonight won't be a failure."

"Best part is we won't have to give the Brotherhood a cut," Scott admitted. "That and Jean and the Professor are all right. The Professor got his stomach pumped and Jean didn't get a concussion."

"I wonder what happened to the Brotherhood?" Kitty asked.

"Who cares?" Rogue said. "They're about to unveil the diamonds."

"And now the Red Diamond Necklace! One of the Rarest Diamond necklaces in the world!" The Mayor unveiled the podium where the necklace was supposed to be.

But it wasn't.

Instead of the diamonds there was a single playing card. King of Hearts.

"The diamonds are gone!" Kurt yelled.

"Oh no…" Rogue fumed as she went to get a better look at the card. "Not him…Anyone but **him!** Gambit you lying thieving no good…"

"Who's Gambit?"

"Mutant thief Rogue's got a crush on," Bobby said. "Who said that?"

"Detective Kowalski of the Bayville Police," The police officer flashed his badge. "So you know the suspect?"

"Uh sort of…" Rogue gulped. "Cyclops do you want to handle this?"

"Not really," Scott said. "Uh Beast you want to take the question?"

"I believe Wolverine is the expert in criminals of this persuasion," Hank turned to Logan. "Take it away Wolverine."

"The guy's a low down dirt bag who's been making moves on Rogue," Logan grunted.

"LOGAN!" Rogue shouted.

"I didn't say anything about you liking him!" Logan shouted.

"I DON'T LIKE HIM!" Rogue shouted.

"Oh yeah right!" Logan snapped. "Don't lie to me Stripes! Everyone knows you have a thing for him! Which is weird that you didn't see him here tonight!"

"Me? How did **you** not pick up his scent until now?" Rogue shouted.

"I don't know! I admit it! The guy is good!" Logan barked.

"You know what I think? I think you mutants planned something here tonight in order to boost your image but it just backfired on you," Kowalski snorted.

"That is the most ridiculous…" Scott laughed nervously.

"HELLO! BAYVILLE! DO YOU LIKE TO BOOGIE?"

"Oh God…" Rogue turned around. She saw The Brotherhood dressed in flashy silver disco costumes, complete with platform shoes, capes, big sunglasses, and silver afro wigs. Wanda was wearing a red disco dress with red platform shoes and a black afro wig with sunglasses.

"Who are those clowns?" Kowalski shouted.

"We are, the Disco Diva and the Discotechs!" Pietro did a pose worthy of the film Saturday Night Fever. So did the other Brotherhood members. "Get down tonight!"

"I thought you guys were supposed to be the Zodiac Gang?" Bobby asked. Rogue hit him on the head. "OW!"

"Haven't you blabbed **enough **tonight?" Rogue snapped at him.

"We didn't like the concept so we came up with our own thing! Snazzy huh?" Todd showed them his cape.

"Sorry we're late guys but we kind of got lost and then Fred got hungry," Pyro said.

"I knew it…" Rogue slapped her forehead.

"Forget it guys!" Scott snapped as he went up to them. "Jean and the Professor are knocked out cold and the diamonds have already been stolen!"

"You mean we got dressed up for nothing?" Todd yelled. "That stinks, yo!"  
"You guys by any chance didn't mention this little plan to **Gambit **did you?" Rogue hissed.

"Now that you mention it, he did stop by," Pyro scratched his head.

"When?" Pietro asked.

"When you were all getting your costumes done," Pyro said. "Mine was already done and you were arguing about too many sequins on your costume Lance. And Pietro you said that Lance needed plenty of sequins to distract people away from his waistline. And Lance took offense at this and challenged that if anyone needed a distraction from his waistline lately besides the Blob…"

"Get to the point before I give **you **a point!" Logan shot out his claws.

"I saw Gambit outside and I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to see if I was interested in doing a job at the museum tonight for some quick cash," Pyro said quickly. "I said no because we already had a job to pretend to try and steal the diamonds for you X-Men and said if he wanted to pull a job he'd better go and do it before…"

"YOU TOLD GAMBIT THE ENTIRE PLAN?" Rogue shouted.

"Oh yeah, I guess that was rather silly of me wasn't it?" Pyro laughed nervously.

"I told you there was someone outside with Pyro! But noooo! You told me to shut up and put on the tights and…" Fred began.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Scott screamed as he began to chase them around, firing his optic blasts.

"Does this mean we're not getting paid?" Todd asked as he leapt on top of a marble statue.

"I'll **pay** you all right!" Scott shot out an optic blast. Todd jumped out of the way but the statue got destroyed.

"Get them!" Kurt yelled. He and Kitty started chasing the Brotherhood around and wrecking more things.

"Tell **your** idiot friends to stop bothering **my** idiot friends or else!" Rogue shouted at Bobby and Rogue.

"Hey I get it! It's not the Brotherhood's fault that Rogue's boyfriend stole everything!" Bobby held up his hands.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD ICE CUBE!" Rogue screamed and started chasing Bobby around, wrecking even more things and scaring everyone in the museum. And when Wanda got into the act even more priceless artifacts got wrecked.

"And people say I do a lot of damage," Logan remarked.

"This will not look good on our resume, I'll tell you that much," Hank sighed.

Several hours later…

"So much for our brief foray into the security business," Hank sighed as the X-Men sat around the living room. "It was lucky we weren't even arrested."

"No, we were just fined," Xavier sighed as he looked at a bill.

"I should have known those morons would screw this up," Scott moaned. "The **one time** we want them to cause chaos they blow it!"

"You can't blame the Brotherhood for this one, Scott," Jean folded her arms. "You all tried to do something dishonest and it backfired. Let that be a lesson on you!"

"Oh shut up Jean!" Everyone said to her.

"I can't believe we made such a mess," Scott groaned. "You know what this means, don't you? We're as bad as the Brotherhood!"

"No Scott, the Brotherhood made this idea last a few weeks," Kitty corrected. "We couldn't even get **one plan** off the ground!"

"That's because our plan depended on the **Brotherhood!** Doesn't anyone listen to me anymore?" Scott shouted.

"Sorry Scott, did you say something?" Bobby quipped. "Seriously though. Maybe we should think about doing jobs for SHIELD or something?"

"Forget it," Logan said. "Just got off the phone with Fury. After our little stunt was broadcast on TV, he called me to say there was no way in a million years he'd hire nut jobs like us for anything."

"So we're back to square one?" Kitty asked.

"Charles, I've got the town collector on the line," Ororo said. "They're threatening us with eviction because our back taxes are due. Even though they are not even a week late."

"This is not good," Rogue winced.

"Better fire up the lasers in case they come knocking," Logan grunted.

"Look I'm sure if we talk to them and explain our situation they might let us work out an installment plan or something," Jean said. "They can be reasonable right?"

The following day…

"Good plan, Jean," Rogue said as they stood at the side of the road with a ton of luggage as repo men loaded all the expensive furniture in the vans. "Be reasonable with them. Yeah! **That** will work!"

"Told you ya should have let me use the lasers on 'em," Logan grunted.

"So, when are they gonna let us go back inside?" Bobby scratched his head.

"Bobby, see that **big yellow sign** on the gate," Kurt pointed. "You see that big word in big black letters? Now I admit English is not my first language and I sometimes have trouble with your phrases. But even I know what **Foreclosed** means!"

"We've been kicked out of the Institute?" Bobby realized what it meant.

"YES BOBBY! WE'RE HOMELESS!" Scott yelled. "What do you think you were doing when the sheriff told us to pack our personal stuff? Getting ready to go to Disneyworld?"

"I thought we were gonna go on some kind of vacation for a while," Bobby said. "Until this mess got sorted out."

"God Bobby, compared to you the Brotherhood are freaking Einsteins," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"They even took the Blackbird," Ororo sighed.

"WHOOO HOOOO!" A repo man cried out with glee as the Blackbird flew around in the sky. "THIS IS ONE SWEET RIDE!"

"Storm we may have to move in with your nephew for a while," Logan sighed.

"Eww, I am **not** going to live in a sewer!" Kitty folded her arms.

"Trust me, Kitty," Rogue sighed. "A sewer is going to seem to be a **step up** compared to where **we're** going."

"Where are we going?" Scott asked.

"The only place in town that we **can **go," Hank sighed.

"You don't mean…?" Jean's eyes widened.

"I'm afraid we have no choice," Xavier sighed.

"No…" Kitty cried out.

"May God have mercy on us all," Kurt rolled his eyes.

Cue theme music from 'The Odd Couple'…

"Hey! It's our new roommates!" Todd said cheerfully as he opened the door to reveal a group of very depressed X-Men. "Que Pasa?"

"Are you **sure** there's no room for us in the sewers?" Kitty asked the Professor.

"Ha ha," Todd pointed at Rogue. "You said you'd never come back. And I said you would. You owe me five bucks!"

"This is my worst nightmare come true," Rogue moaned.

"It's not going to be that bad," Ororo said. Then she walked into the house. "Oh my…"

"Wanna bet?" Rogue looked at her.

"Come on guys! We went to a lot of trouble to make you all feel at home," Pyro said. "We stole some wheelchair ramps from the public library and got a nice hot Roadkill Surprise Casserole on the stove!"

Ororo looked at Rogue. "I'm sorry for doubting you, Rogue."

"Before we all start I have so many things to say," Pietro took out a list. "I'd like to thank all the people who made this moment possible! God obviously. The good people at the IRS. Ronnie's Repo Shack…"

"Will you losers cut it out?" Scott snapped.

"We may be losers but at least we still have a **house**," Lance pointed out. "Speaking of which, we have a few rules."

"Isn't this Mystique's house?" Kurt asked.

"Technically, but she almost never comes around anymore," Fred shrugged. "Especially after that last incident with the hamsters."

"RIBBIT!"

"And the frogs," Todd said. "Sorry, some of them are still in the bathroom but they almost never cause a problem."

"Listen you little twerp, if you think we're gonna put up with your crap…" Logan began to threaten the Brotherhood.

"Logan no!" Xavier stopped him. "Remember we are all guests of the Brotherhood. That means we all have to abide by their rules."

"Oh god, we're all going to **die**!" Kurt wailed.

"Okay rule Number One!" Pietro said happily. "If my room is a rockin' don't come a knockin'. Rule Number Two: My room is **always **gonna be **rockin' **baby! Rule Number Three: Do not touch my personal stuff. Or Toad's. For obvious reasons. Unless you have a lot of disinfectant on hand."

"Rule Number Four, don't walk on me while I'm in the bathroom or want some alone time," Wanda folded her arms. "Breaking this rule means **death!**"

"Kurt, Kitty you two might want to be careful using your powers when it comes to the bathroom," Lance said. "Rule Number Five will help you stay alive. If **Toad** says it's a bad smell, get out of the room as **fast as you can!"**

"Rule Number Six: Don't go on the roof," Fred said. Pieces of the roof fell down. "Uh I forgot that rule the other day."

"Normally that rule only applies to Blob but because of that little exploding Frisbee incident now everyone has to follow it," Pyro said. "Rule Seven: Don't burn down the house. You can burn down the front lawn, but not the house."

"This is insane! We can't be living **here!** This is some kind of joke right?" Scott exploded.

"If it is, God provided one hell of a punch line!" Lance laughed.

"Look no one is going to burn down the lawn! The X-Men do not misuse their powers!" Scott said. "We use our powers responsibly."

"Oh really?" Todd gave him a look. "And how's **that** working out for you?"

Another piece of the roof fell. "Not that well actually…" Kurt admitted.

"That's because we used our powers irresponsibly and did something we shouldn't have done in the first place!" Jean said.

"Technically no," Pyro said. "You were trying to use **our** powers irresponsibly for your own profit. Which is really kind of bad if you think about it."

"You were willing to go along with the plan for a cut!" Scott said.

"Yeah but we're hoods," Todd said. "That's what we do. Now you goody goods who aren't supposed to misuse your powers had no problem having us misuse our powers for your purposes. Which is **way worse** than you using your powers for your own personal profit."

"It is not! Is it?" Kitty blinked.

"As frightening as it sounds Half Pint, the Brotherhood have a point," Logan groaned.

"There's one thing I don't understand," Fred scratched his head.

"One thing?" Scott asked.

"Okay, but hear me out. If you were going to do something bad already why copy what we do bad?" Fred asked. "Instead why didn't you do something bad you **could** do?"

"He's got a point," Todd said. "I mean you think us acting like thugs and hoods is easy. That anyone can do it. When the truth is it took us **years** to perfect this style. Didn't just happen overnight."

"Yeah what works for us won't necessarily work for you," Pyro nodded. "Just like if we tried using telepathy to take over the town it wouldn't work. But you could do that. That could be your thing."

"We do not use our powers like that! We are only supposed to use our powers to help people and fit in society so humans and mutants can get along!" Jean said.

"Oh really? Let's review your little philosophy here," Pietro said. "You guys preach humans and mutants getting along but they still don't. You preach using your powers responsibly but when you did nothing went right and when **that** failed you decided to use **our** powers irresponsibly for your own personal gain."

"Well uh…" Kurt began.

"And when that failed you used **your** powers irresponsibly to punish us for your failed plan," Pietro finished.

"Okay but…" Rogue began.

"Miss Perfect over there always acted perfect around everyone at school but they still treated her like a leper when it was revealed she was a mutant and all of the sudden the college she was supposed to go to **conveniently** raises her tuition and loses her placement papers?" Wanda said. "You really think **that** had nothing to do with the fact you're a mutant?"

"Okay but…" Jean began.

"In other words all your perfect grades and perfect attendance ended up to perfectly nothing that can help you in the **real world**," Pyro said. "Which you now live in. Not college."

"None of those classes you aced taught you how to fix a leaky faucet did they?" Lance asked. "Or how to stretch a budget to feed a large group of hungry mutants? Or what to do when your electricity is shut off or the tax guys come to your door? Did they?"

"Uh I guess when you put it like that…" Jean blinked.

"You saved the world from Apocalypse and how did the government repay you?" Lance asked. "They kicked you out of your home when you were a little late with your taxes."

"Yeah but…" Scott began.

"You tried to protect all the people in this town **from** us but then they turned against you so the only place you can live now is **with** us," Todd added. "Because nobody else is gonna take you in. And I mean **nobody**."

"That is called **irony **guys," Fred told them.

CRACK!

"There goes another piece of our ceiling," Pyro remarked. "Ooh that was a big one."

"So this is where being a good guy gets me," Rogue groaned. "Right back where I started from. I so hate my life."

"I just realized something," Jean said. "Being good sucks."

"Perhaps there were a few flaws in my plan?" Xavier winced.


End file.
